Ex-Bestfriend

I wish I could’ve saved you, I wish I would’ve encouraged you to see who you really were within. I never thought I’d be your enemy, I just wanted to be your friend.

I never thought I’d hurt you, but I was hurting and you were hurting too. I wish I could’ve helped you help yourself, I wish I would’ve told you you didn’t belong on a shelf.

I wish I never let you settle.

In my minds eye I wondered why things happened the way they did. But its sin that corrupted the friendship and I have to let that sink in. I imagine you thinking that you’re probably overthinking, maybe even procrastinating and wondering if I’m making it.

You’re probably trying to fight the urge to kick the memories to the curb.

I understand.

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Don’t fight.

You’re intellectual, full of courage, emotional, and tenacious.

Your nurturing spirit I will always cherish.

You’re an over comer, and you’re stronger then you’re letting on.

We’ve walked through valleys of death together, you’ve held my hand in the coldest weather, however, we were toxic for each other.

I hindered your growth but couldn’t see it until the veil was lifted.

I regret that I didn’t show you the love of Christ the way I was supposed to.

I regret not praying for the Lord to reveal himself to you.

I regret not leading you in the right direction. Iron sharpen’s iron but my love was dull and elastic. I regret not walking in obedience and allowing it to get that serious.

I wish you didn’t dislike yourself. I regret not reinforcing the God in you by telling you just how meticulous and intentional He was when He created you. I regret not leading you through your valleys too.

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I hope you still don’t believe you are that person. I hope you aren’t blaming me and those that hurt you for tarnishing your purpose.

I pray you haven’t lost yourself, I still pray for you when I feel like you’re going through Hell.

Looking back it’s sad because we both needed help, both drowning in an emotional depth.

Both fighting, yet, suppressing the pain while silently screaming for help.

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I sat there and watched your resentment, shame, guilt, and pain run like tears down your cheeks, like a trail of veins. I know you regret what you did, you play it back like a vinyl through your freckle of tears.

I forgive you.

Stop worrying about if I need you.

Just don’t fall in love with guilt, move on Ex-Best friend. I believe in you. I am hoping and praying that you forgive you too.

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I’ve grieved and I’ve felt the pain, time wasn’t on my side it didn’t heal the pain. The Lord healed my heart, He relieved my hurt. I hope that you run to Jesus Christ because he defines your worth.

Life isn’t fair, we experience offences and tribulations. You’re not exempt from struggles and challenges and we both face it.  I just hope you aren’t in the same position as you were when you left here.

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Our struggle wasn’t quite the same, yet, our souls were wounded by the hands of someone’s past mistakes.

Please, forgive yourself and move on and stop thinking.

As long as you repent and ask for forgiveness He will forgive your sins. Your sins are as far from the East to the West, He is not a man that He should lie, or play favorites.

I have to forgive myself too.

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For not living right, and refusing to walk in obedience to God. I need to forgive myself for not showing you the light.

I keep thinking to myself:”How did I let it get that far?”

My heart was cold and so was yours. The darkness that succumbed us provided warmth.

Life may have forced you to dig deep into your insecurities and hidden feelings. Let it happen. Stop wondering and just pray for your purpose and please, remember that you’re worthy.

Best regards,

Ex-Best friend

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